Not just an add on – the real experience of biphobia and erasure.

Yesterday the House of Lords held an important debate about the health of gay, bisexual and trans women’s health but like all other LGBT debates, bisexuality was simply treated as an add on and not once were the specific needs and experiences of bisexual women addressed or even acknowledged. It’s like this every time there’s any discussion of LGBT issues. Just the other day GSN ran a piece remembering “9 Gay Icons” who died due to AIDS yet several of the men listed were bisexual. The “B” is barely ever uttered and when it is often people think that’s enough and no more needs to be done- because bisexual people have same sex attraction then only homophobia needs to be tackled. So many think that “bisexual” equals being “half gay” that they’re doing a half-arsed job at fighting for equality based on sexuality.
Bi erasure is damaging; any gay person who is in the closet knows how terrible it is to feel like you don’t really exist but even when bi people come out they’re often still ignored. Bisexual people end up being told it’s a phase, that they’re just scared, that they’re greedy and will not stay faithful, and then are often defined by who they’re in a relationship with such as being told they are in fact gay if in a relationship with someone who is the same sex or suddenly straight if in a relationship with someone of a different gender. Even our language is completely erasive: people will ask “are you gay or straight?”, there is “gay marriage” or “straight marriage”, “gay sex”, “straight sex” and so on. People ignorantly add these labels while thinking they are being inclusive when they’re not even being accurate. Sex cannot be gay. To be gay is a person’s identity. There are different sex acts and different genders or the same gender may be engaged in them together but that does not make them gay. For people who are supposed to be greedy, if we follow today’s terminology bisexuals never have sex or relationships.
For society to say that bisexuality doesn’t exist has very real impacts on bisexual people, for instance: there are very few specific bisexual support services across the country (although it’s estimated that more people are bisexual than gay) barely any bisexual people feel comfortable to be out and to be told that you’re greedy or promiscuous can have a severe impact on self esteem. It isn’t uncommon for family and friends to reject a person’s bisexuality and claim that they are either gay or straight or that they need to make up their minds. They’re effectively being told they don’t know themselves or that their existence isn’t real. It’s no coincidence bierasure is rampant and that bisexual people have worse mental illness rates than gay or straight people. We are more likely to self harm, use drugs, drink excessively or have suicidal thoughts.
Physical health services aren’t much better: bisexual women are at high risk for not being diagnosed with cervical cancer as doctors don’t feel we are a risk group. Bisexual men are also often treated as predators who cannot have safe sex and therefore are at risk of many different sexually transmitted infections which must be a belittling experience. Doctors and nurses don’t know how to speak to LGBT people and so ours needs are often ignored.
Yet even being recognised and accepted as bisexual can be dangerous. There’s a long history of gay and lesbian people not accepting bisexual people as it has been claimed that they indulge/benefit from “straight privilege” and thus are damaging to the fight for equality. They clearly fail to spot that what hurts the battle for equality and liberation is unfounded prejudice; particularly as this post shows bi people actually face horrendous discrimination which is often ignored. Straight society can also be intimidating for anyone who is out and bisexual: I don’t know of any bisexual person who has not been asked by a complete stranger whether they want a threesome. This will happen over and over again, and often our identity is seen as a gateway to exciting sex and so harassment (particularly in clubs or bars) is pretty commonplace. There’s the notion that bisexuality equates being insatiable and therefore anything goes which can put all bisexual people at risk of sexual harassment and (potentially) assault.
Jealousy is common in relationships too. The persistent idea of greediness means that it can be hard to make new friends or stay in contact with the old ones if a partner is biphobic and has jealousy issues. Literally any person of any gender can be seen as a possible threat to the relationship by their partner. Coming out in a relationship can also be a dangerous time: domestic violence rates are just as high in same sex relationships as they are in different sex relationships and it is believed that coming out as bisexual can often be a trigger moment for violence in a relationship.
Yes, bisexual people do face homophobia too but there are many experiences which are specific to us and little to no work is being done on them. Homophobia must always be fought but that doesn’t mean that biphobia cannot be tackled head on either- we can do both. The LGBT acronym has always been a sticking point because there’s never been any unity. Gay rights have been advanced (with a lot of infighting) but transgender rights have been thrown under the bus time and again in the name of gay equality, and bisexual activists have often been pushed to the sidelines. If the LGBT community really wants to work then we need to pull together and stop fighting each other.