Thoughts on bisexual activism for 2016

Bisexual people have long been silenced within the world of gay politics. It is most definitely gay politics when bisexual people are made to feel they should be grateful whenever our identities are ever even mentioned and trans people are treated with overt contempt. This does not need to be the case. Bisexual people are thought to far outnumber gay people and so the next sexuality revolution should not be without us. Bisexual people have the numbers, but we need to use our voices to demand better. The old ‘nothing about us, without us’ has never been truer.
For far too long gay, white, cisgender people have had a monopoly on everything LGBT, from the parties, the media, the organisations and charities to the political lobbying. Society is now well versed in what gay cisgender people face but what about the rest of us?

The gay community has often made it quite clear that they are not spaces where bisexual people can feel safe. This is clear from messages which never address what bisexual people are facing, to the open hostilities so many LGB people display, such as remarking that bisexual people are traitors to the cause or cannot be trusted not to cheat.

When gay people shunned bisexual people from the community, when the movement was exclusively based on only same gender love, that was when they handed over power to bisexual politics without even realising it. They said very clearly that they were on the side of the binary and that their hope purely was that the binary did not oppress them- that it was okay if anybody else got caught up in the oppression just so long as it wasn’t them.

While bisexual people only ever wanted the free to be and carry out sexual and romantic lives without fear of prejudice, what happened was that bisexual people were made out to be the ‘real’ perverts and deviants. Not the gay folks who wanted to set up and marry someone of the same gender, but the bisexual people who just wanted to live without oppression.

This means that bisexual politics becomes by default the politics of liberty of sexuality, bodily autonomy and of love. Bisexual politics has become the home of those who wish the break such narrow binaries with relationships because gay people sided with the straight people against us. They merely wanted to get invited to straight spaces, it wasn’t about freedom.

All politics must be for people of colour, disabled people, intersex people, people in poverty and anybody else who dares exist beyond the narrow ideals which society imposes. It is vital for bisexual politics to be intersectional as the gay community gave us a gift in their own rush for respectability politics. They said very clearly that they were not for true liberation of the self. It is the absolute duty therefore of all bi politics and all bi activists to be intersectional. It is through bi politics and activism that we can help break the narrow binaries and artificial ideas imposed and imprinted upon people from birth.

For Bi Visibility Day

Bi Visibility Day is often dismissed, partly because it’s about bisexuals so that’s inevitable but also partly because the idea of visibility to some seems like a mild concern when there are far bigger problems. The problem with invisibility is not just that it erases identities and people are forced to stay quiet about who they are, it’s that it allows a system of violence and oppression whether in the straight cis world or even the LGBT community.

Many people will say that the biphobia they experience as part of the community is far harsher than the treatment by straight cis people. Straight cis people are often dismissive or plain erasive, but LGBT people often see bisexual people as a threat to their rights. They’ve fallen for the lie that was used against them for centuries that not conforming to a narrow idea of sexuality means to be perverted or a sex addict. There’s also the idea that bisexual people are somehow traitors who enjoy the privilege of being “half straight” rather than acknowledging the fact that abuse of bisexual people is often far higher than it is for gay and lesbian people. The higher up one is on the Kinsey Scale does not directly translate to the amount of oppressions that one may face. It is often a much more complicated picture and even bisexual men experience very different abuse to bisexual woman. Cis bisexual men are often told they are just gay and will cheat on any woman they date but cis bisexual woman are told that they are just straight and need the right guy (often in more graphic terms). Transgender people (whether nonbinary, women, men, agender, and so forth) are sexualised just for their gender and face it to an even greater extreme if bisexual. To many in society “bisexual” roughly translates as “up for any thing and your sexuality is my fair game” and so the silencing of bisexual people is an act of violence. It means bisexual people cannot talk about their experiences and have little support services available to them.

There are many fantastic services available for gay and lesbian people but none which are exclusive to bisexual people. Additionally, LGBT charities which do amazing work often forget to consider the experiences of bisexual people and just assume that they’re covering bisexual needs by addressing homophobia which is not the case.

This day goes beyond acknowledging that bisexuality is a valid identity but accepting the violence, discrimination, erasure and hatred many bisexual people face. The gay rights movement has been summed up many times as the “freedom to love” movement which is not only trans erasive but is an added insult to bisexual people who are often shunned for their identities within this community. The LGBT movement should be based of fighting for the freedom to be and not with fighting each other or trampling over each other to get any handouts parliament and society might be willing to grant us.

Ticking the box

Through the door I was not able,
hard to open being invisible.
This is not my home.
Try as I might to find a place,
“not for you” is bandied with no grace.
I am alone.

It means nothing, the name Brenda Howard.
I’m just a straight passing coward.
The rainbow just for those outside enough.
So we’re put out to trash.
Except when Pride marches and needs our cash.
Only if you’re gay or straight, #LoveisLove.

Link us with bigamists and polygamists
But we adore any old tryst.
All we fervently cry is “consensual!”
Yet the repetition of the lies you heard
You deflect to us, forget bisexuals murdered;
We’re sluts only seeking the sensual.

This is no place to be – no community.
Yet out there is only silent fury.
Against one, against all.
A surprising tag team,
United with a singular dream.
To love anyone, God, we’ve got some gall.

Perpetually remain in the closet.
A dry old dusty, rusting faucet.
Say nothing: except in certainty of love to give.
Only one at a time
Though either will have your dime.
Freedom, you cannot live.

The great lie that this was for romance
When certain stories leave askance.
To not be whole, is to be pretender.
If only it was easy.
Nauseous of being labelled queasy
Or the new trend setter.

There is no room for bisexual
In a world that is not flexible.
It’s too complicated.
There must be some hidden plan-
Just heteros who are fans.
But it’s 2015- haven’t you heard? Conservatism is outdated.

On the parade only same sex couples you saw.
What do pink and purple even stand for?
Femme and butch vaginas?
Maybe if it was for the B and T
My friends and I might be seen-
Not made out as hyenas.

Our rights progressed too,
So obviously we need nothing new.
Forget our poverty and ill health.
If there’s just gay acceptance
All other hate will be reluctant.
So go back to stealth.

But it was Brenda Howard who started this march.
Don’t claim we’re the farce.
Without us you’re nothing.
We fought and won with you.
We’re not bonobos at the zoo.
On Kickstarter, Adam’s family raise for the coffin.

Biphobia kills-
Will you deny us still?

Not just an add on – the real experience of biphobia and erasure.

Yesterday the House of Lords held an important debate about the health of gay, bisexual and trans women’s health but like all other LGBT debates, bisexuality was simply treated as an add on and not once were the specific needs and experiences of bisexual women addressed or even acknowledged. It’s like this every time there’s any discussion of LGBT issues. Just the other day GSN ran a piece remembering “9 Gay Icons” who died due to AIDS yet several of the men listed were bisexual. The “B” is barely ever uttered and when it is often people think that’s enough and no more needs to be done- because bisexual people have same sex attraction then only homophobia needs to be tackled. So many think that “bisexual” equals being “half gay” that they’re doing a half-arsed job at fighting for equality based on sexuality.
Bi erasure is damaging; any gay person who is in the closet knows how terrible it is to feel like you don’t really exist but even when bi people come out they’re often still ignored. Bisexual people end up being told it’s a phase, that they’re just scared, that they’re greedy and will not stay faithful, and then are often defined by who they’re in a relationship with such as being told they are in fact gay if in a relationship with someone who is the same sex or suddenly straight if in a relationship with someone of a different gender. Even our language is completely erasive: people will ask “are you gay or straight?”, there is “gay marriage” or “straight marriage”, “gay sex”, “straight sex” and so on. People ignorantly add these labels while thinking they are being inclusive when they’re not even being accurate. Sex cannot be gay. To be gay is a person’s identity. There are different sex acts and different genders or the same gender may be engaged in them together but that does not make them gay. For people who are supposed to be greedy, if we follow today’s terminology bisexuals never have sex or relationships.
For society to say that bisexuality doesn’t exist has very real impacts on bisexual people, for instance: there are very few specific bisexual support services across the country (although it’s estimated that more people are bisexual than gay) barely any bisexual people feel comfortable to be out and to be told that you’re greedy or promiscuous can have a severe impact on self esteem. It isn’t uncommon for family and friends to reject a person’s bisexuality and claim that they are either gay or straight or that they need to make up their minds. They’re effectively being told they don’t know themselves or that their existence isn’t real. It’s no coincidence bierasure is rampant and that bisexual people have worse mental illness rates than gay or straight people. We are more likely to self harm, use drugs, drink excessively or have suicidal thoughts.
Physical health services aren’t much better: bisexual women are at high risk for not being diagnosed with cervical cancer as doctors don’t feel we are a risk group. Bisexual men are also often treated as predators who cannot have safe sex and therefore are at risk of many different sexually transmitted infections which must be a belittling experience. Doctors and nurses don’t know how to speak to LGBT people and so ours needs are often ignored.
Yet even being recognised and accepted as bisexual can be dangerous. There’s a long history of gay and lesbian people not accepting bisexual people as it has been claimed that they indulge/benefit from “straight privilege” and thus are damaging to the fight for equality. They clearly fail to spot that what hurts the battle for equality and liberation is unfounded prejudice; particularly as this post shows bi people actually face horrendous discrimination which is often ignored. Straight society can also be intimidating for anyone who is out and bisexual: I don’t know of any bisexual person who has not been asked by a complete stranger whether they want a threesome. This will happen over and over again, and often our identity is seen as a gateway to exciting sex and so harassment (particularly in clubs or bars) is pretty commonplace. There’s the notion that bisexuality equates being insatiable and therefore anything goes which can put all bisexual people at risk of sexual harassment and (potentially) assault.
Jealousy is common in relationships too. The persistent idea of greediness means that it can be hard to make new friends or stay in contact with the old ones if a partner is biphobic and has jealousy issues. Literally any person of any gender can be seen as a possible threat to the relationship by their partner. Coming out in a relationship can also be a dangerous time: domestic violence rates are just as high in same sex relationships as they are in different sex relationships and it is believed that coming out as bisexual can often be a trigger moment for violence in a relationship.
Yes, bisexual people do face homophobia too but there are many experiences which are specific to us and little to no work is being done on them. Homophobia must always be fought but that doesn’t mean that biphobia cannot be tackled head on either- we can do both. The LGBT acronym has always been a sticking point because there’s never been any unity. Gay rights have been advanced (with a lot of infighting) but transgender rights have been thrown under the bus time and again in the name of gay equality, and bisexual activists have often been pushed to the sidelines. If the LGBT community really wants to work then we need to pull together and stop fighting each other.

Bisexuality: Beyond the Binary.

There was a pretty disappointing post doing the rounds on Twitter earlier about someone who used to identify as bisexual but has dropped the label believing it to enforce gender binaries. People should always be free to choose their own labels which led to the most irksome part of the post being the tone which was “if you use the label bi you’re erasing non-binary people”. This argument seemed to come from little more than the fact that the first two letters of the label are “bi” and, as I pointed out on Twitter, this is as silly as saying that dinosaurs are extinct now because the first part of their name sounds like “die”.
Taking words so literally is always a closed minded tactic. People who have studied language for even the briefest of periods will tell you it’s a fool’s errand. Take another sexuality label such as “gay”, well that originally meant “happy” so if we only stick to traditional meanings does that mean nobody can use the label “gay” as it would be offensive to depressed people? What about lesbians who do not come from Lesbos, what name should they use? Language evolves every single day. The term “bi” may have meant “two” but that doesn’t mean that being bisexual enforces binaries. It was probably given that to recognise the fluidity of bisexual people in a time where gender and sexuality were only really starting to be properly looked at. It was a time where there was only two recognised genders in Western society so the idea of a different label was probably unimaginable. Times have changed though and it is the lived experience of bisexuals that matter.
So do the lives of bisexual people enforce binaries? Well, no. Bisexuality is a very vague term really. There are as many ways to be bisexual as there are bisexual people – everyone is different. Does a femme bisexual woman enforce the binary is she’s attracted to butch people of all genders? No, that’s just who she is attracted to. Some bisexual people will have very fixed types, others will be completely fluid and so it varies which means that bisexuality as a lived experience actually breaks down binaries and societal presumptions about gender and sexuality. Like everyone else, we go where the attraction is.
If you want to ID as pan or queer or any other term, that’s cool. Loads of people who identify as bisexual will use those terms too. Just don’t make us out to be enforcing the narrow binary system of this world – especially when that system is used against us every day.